June Cleaver lives...in Thailand

Now, I don’t want you to think that I spend an inordinate amount of time over here sitting in my studio apartment overanalyzing male/female relations in Bangkok. It’s just that when you are constantly reminded of it—driving by the Champagne Room, massage parlors on every block, seeing a 70 year old man with his arm around a 25 year old Thai girl, reading personals for men seeking an Asian wife—it’s hard not to think about it.

I have pretty much decided that the men who come over here shopping for wives are men who want life in America to revert back to the 1950’s. When wives were more like June Cleaver and less like Hilary Clinton. “Can I get you a drink dear after your hard day’s work? Can I make something for you tonight besides pot roast, you left some on your plate the other night? Oh, I understand if you come home from work after midnight every day of the week including Saturdays; work must be hard for you.” I think the men who shop for wives in Asia are looking for that kind of life.

You might think I am exaggerating so here are a couple of personal ads posted on Craigslist by American men. Note: I couldn’t resist adding my commentary.

1
Hi. my name is Mario. I'm still trying to find the right girl for marriage. I need a woman who is dedicated and loving, with no drama or attitude (read: I don’t want a woman who will tell me that she needs more from me, that she wants me to share my feelings with her, that she doesn’t understand why I can’t be faithful to her). If interested, go a head and email me with a pic and some info about you.

Me, Hard working, loving, fun (im just a teddybear). My hobbies are BBQ's karake, motorcycle riding, disneyland... You wont be disappointed :) (read: I don’t ever want to grow up; btw—did he mean karate or karaoke?)

Looking for good Thai woman for friendship and perhaps marriage. Prefer 20 years to 30 years. Anywhere in Thailand. I'm a good and decent man who has spent alot of his life in southeast asia (particularly Thailand). Go ahead and respond, take a chance. Hope to hear from you ladies.

2
Hi, I am interested in finding a thai. girl that is pretty and petit.wants a long term re-lationship.I have traveled to thailand a few times and love the counrty and culture (read: submissive women because I know he isn’t talking about the pollution and lack of toilet paper). Maybe I can meet this girl when I get over there? To share each others cultures and to have a special romance (do I really need to interpret “special romance” for you?). If you are interested send a pic. and I will respond back Paul (What’s he trying to do with his bizarre usage of the period? Poetic license?)

3
27 year old male, 5’9 185lbs, blonde hair, blue eyes, average build. I can pretty much have fun doing anything. I’m want to find a woman that desires to come to the U.S. and would enjoy being married to an American (read: even living in an air-conditioned trailer in Jersey is better than making $2 a day in Thailand). I value family and friends; there's nothing better in life than spending time with the ones you love (especially when the ones you love jump at your every command because you are their life blood and their only relative half way across the world from their home). In particular I’m looking for a woman not originally from the U.S. I have been to Thailand before and fell absolutely in love with the country, it's culture, and it's people. If you can cook it's definitely a plus in my book (I’m wondering how many books this guy has in his house…)as I absolutely love Thai food. If you are looking to become a U.S. citizen and find the love of your life...I’m your man. I am looking for a beautiful Thai wife to spend my life with. Send a picture if you have one and I’ll send mine.

Notice the common denominators seem to be pretty, Thai, and willing to marry. Just like that. I can’t even shop for a pair of shoes that easily. There is not a line anywhere that says “must speak English.” I mention this because there are many men who are married to Thai girls who speaks very little English. How do couples like that communicate? Or maybe that is what the men want—the absence of communication. The absence of questions and demands. If the women can’t speak English, then they can’t ask anything of the man.

I’m assuming when men say "I love Thailand, the culture and it’s people," they mean they love that people always smile (even though they may not be happy), that all the women are about 100 pounds, and that the women really don’t ask for much in the way of what they want or need . American women, on the other hand, tend to want a guy with social skills, education, dependability, lack of addictions, a decent job that they have worked at for a while, a tolerable face and a respect for women’s independence and personal well-being. I also know a fair number of women who, in addition to all these difficult qualifications, would like a guy to be able to spell correctly and be able to write well. Comparatively, I guess that is asking a lot.

Now here is a smattering of what the Thai women are looking for.

1
My name is meaw 24 year old,I live in Nhongbualumphu north east of thailand.I hope to meet a good man for read my marry.If you you are a good man and honest you can write me at ma_meaw@#$%^&* .I am looking forward from you. Take care.

2
Hello, I'm Nattaya. I'm a nice lady looking for my prince. He doesn't need to be perfect but only he's nice and can take care of me. I'm sweet, loyal, helpful, easy going and sincere. I want to have someone to complete my life, taking care of each other forever. I'll treat him very well and we will build a happy family together.

3
Hello, I'm a nice lady from Thailand. I'm sweet, easy going, sincere, loyal and friendly. I like to smile. I know how to treat a man. I'm serious to find someone to complete my life. I prefer to live simple and cozy. Much differece in age is not a problem for me. If you're a nice man, please write to me.

Notice the simplicity in the ladies' personals. All the women want is a husband that is Western (although that is not stated, it is implicit; Thai men generally don't use this site) and makes some money. It doesn’t really matter what else they are like. Get me out of my daddy’s house, keep a roof over my head, and feed me. It helps if you are honest and want children. Sounds very much like the women who went to college to find husbands back in the day. My favorite ad, though, had a last line which read “I am still learning english, so my friend helped me write this” (read: you won’t be able to talk to me until our firstborn is three years old but I can still clean your house, cook your meals, and keep your bed warm).

Now don’t think I am criticizing the women here. I know they have it hard. A third of the population in Thailand lives on less than two dollars a day; a sixth of the population lives on half that. I can understand that when people are that desperate, when the poverty is that severe, people will do whatever they can to escape it. Prostitution is the oldest profession for women (I believe teaching comes next; what does that say?) and it’s still going strong. I’m not really writing about the women selling themselves for money...but that’s what the women in these ads are doing, isn’t it? They are essentially saying, “I will sacrifice my family and my home country to live with a man who will support me (and more often than not, my family, too). And that’s not saying anything about the thousands of women (and lady boys) who sell themselves daily at the bars, massage parlors, dance clubs, and the streets of Bangkok. The flesh trade accounts for 2% of the GDP in Thailand. A whole lot of women are out there working, praying (literally praying before they go on-stage wearing only shaving cream) for a farang to pick them up and carry them away from the life of poverty.

No, what disturbs me is the men who come over here in droves searching for their little lotus flower. I know more than one woman in the States who is looking for a husband (some more actively than others--cha cha cha) and here are all these men coming to Asia to find a wife. And we thought they were scared of commitment. No, it seems more like they are scared of commitment with a woman who is strong willed, independent, educated, and earns her own money.

I know I am making sweeping generalizations and apologize to the men who are not this way (including Scott Becker, Matt Kite, Al Kalaskas, Nick and Daniel, Cris and Jose, John Lucier, David Pickett and KC Woller). I, myself, have found my fair share of men in Bangkok who enjoy the company of a woman who is educated, outspoken and weighs more than a bag of golf clubs. But it sure as hell isn’t the majority.